dear internet

What is wrong with me?

ehhhhhhhh it's been an exhausting 48 hours or so, with some highs and some lows, just trying to chug along strong while I try and figure out what's going on around here. I don't want to complain, so I won't, but I will say that I'm having an awful hard time concentrating. That means I'm having a hard time working. Which then means that I'm pretty much not doing anything. Could call me a waste of space.

Weekends are great, because it usually means I'm in my apartment all by myself. I can do whatever I want. Sing as loud as I want, take as long of a shower as I want, watch whatever I want on the television. If I were smart, I would recognize that the peace and quiet means a better work environment. Well, I am smart, and I DO recognize it. I just choose to ignore that thought pattern and numb my brain because it's feeling overwhelmed with all of the "work" possibilities! There is so much to do when you're doing your own thing. Endless possibilities. There's no task master sitting in an office telling you what to get done and what can wait until Monday. It's just all there. ALL THE TIME. Which is why most Friday and Saturday nights you'll find me at home, in my pajamas, figuring out which project to tackle next....not at a bar or a party, consuming things that will make my work day that much harder next time the sun rises. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's fun a lot of the time.

Anyway.

This blog is merely another outlet for me to procrastinate, when I have this list of things To Do staring me square in the face. I don't wannnnnaaaaaa.

Some days, I really just want something to fall into my lap. I know. I know. It doesn't work like that. Well, it DOES work like that sometimes, but usually it's because you worked hard for a certain period of time, and the rewarding result of that hard work is whatever it is that falls into your lap. Even though it didn't REALLY "fall into your lap." I know what I mean.