what is it

about music.

I don't get it. And maybe that's the point. I can go from completely elated to utterly depressed in a matter of notes; a few chords and a melody and I'm done. It is so incredible, but equally dangerous, and I can't wrap my brain around it. Maybe it's because it's 1 a.m. and I'm exhausted, or maybe it's because I haven't completed a new song since I finished my EP in November and am feeling a little lost.

It's scary how easily and wholly I identify with a voice, a song, an album. And it's even crazier to think that one day I'll write something good enough that will make someone else feel the same way I do right now.

Well, it's finally feeling like summer time. And I'm not sure why that season is nostalgic for me. I've got a list of goals I'd like to complete, and I'm terrified. I wonder if it's always going to be like this. I bet so. Every day there's something I think of that scares me, and the more it scares me, the more important it is for me to attack it head on, I think. Some of them are really silly. Some of them are completely understandable. I have a hard time doing things that will cause anyone to look at me. Kind of funny, coming from someone who wants to play music for people for a living. I'm not sure where it stems from...for some reason I have always looked at wanting attention as a bad thing, so I always try to steer clear of anything that would make me seem like I'm seeking it. But at the same time, I don't necessarily look at other musicians playing around town as people "looking for attention" so what's the problem? I'M SO SCARED! That's the problem. I really want to go play in Central Park. I need to practice performing as much as possible, and I feel like it would be a great thing to do. But it takes some major balls...and while sometimes I definitely feel pretty good about doing ballsy things, this one is particularly difficult to conquer. BUT. I'm writing about it on this blog. So everyone in blogland needs to hold me to it! I will do it, yes I will. Damn it.

I'm listening to a lullaby right now. It's called "one magic kiss" and it's by Brandi Carlile. (of course). You should listen to it if your heart is restless, like mine.

g'night,

Lauren